It is not scientific doubt, not atheism, not pantheism, not agnositicism, that in our day and in this land is likely to quench the light of the gospel. It is a proud, sensuous, selfish, luxurious, church-going, hollow-hearted prosperity.
So there is an incalculable, faultless, eternal God who loves the frail beings He made with a crazy kind of love. Even though we could die at any moment and generally think our lives are pretty sweet compared to loving Him, He persists in loving us with unending, outrageous love.
However, most of us, including myself, at times are not interested in giving Him all we have. We try to fit Him into our lives, when in actuality we should be fitting our lives around Him.
Most of us have too much in our lives. "Too much of the good life ends up being toxic, deforming us spiritually." - David Goetz.
Do we justify ourselves by being "Godly enough" to get to Heaven in comparison with others? Or do we really "want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like Him in his death." (Phil. 3:10)
I've come to find that the American church is a difficult place to fit in if you want to live out New Testament Christianity. The goals of American Christianity are often a nice marriage, children who don't swear, and good church attendance. Taking the words of Christ literally and seriously is rarely considered. That's for the "radicals" who are "unbalanced" and who go "overboard." Most of us want a balanced life that we can control, that is safe, and that does not involve suffering.
We are
all messed-up human beings, and not one is totally immune to 'lukewarm' behaviors. However, there is a difference between a life that is characterized by these sort of mentalities and habits and a life that is in the process of being radically transformed.
Jesus didn't say that if you wanted to follow Him you could do it in a lukewarm manner. He said, "Take up your cross and follow Me."
I pray that I never settle for being 'lukewarm.' Certainly I'm far from perfect, and thankfully His grace is more than sufficient.
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My sophomore year of college I joined Living Hope and found out what it looked like to live out your faith, every day, basically what it looked like to
not be 'lukewarm.' I heard the truth preached every Sunday, from a pastor who loved us deeply, and cared about
our eternity. There was genuine community, the church was full of it. Honestly, that's something I miss now that I'm in Virginia. When I read blogs and see what's going on in the lives of people who attend LHBC, I realize how truly lucky I was to be called to be a party of that body.
Spring '08, I flaked away from there, went into the valley, and lived out an awful version of 'lukewarm Christianity.' Faithfully, He called me back. Thankfully, He called me back. I came back with a new and jumpstarted faith. My passion for Him was re-ignited. I wanted to know more, and to really make sure I was doing what He was wanting for my life... not what I was wanting. I wanted Him to take the worst parts I had just been through and use them for His glory. Not understanding how he could take something like that and use it for His good, but certain He could and would do so.
Lo and behold, He ripped me straight out of my comfort zone and took me to Virigina. In just two short months I went from "I'm staying in College Station for at least five years.... to.... I'm moving to Virginia in January." This required packing and selling my house, a place that I had lived in for 4 years... it was a process. People asked me why, and I really had no answer.
During that process, I was certainly scared to death, scared of leaving Texas - my friends, my family, everything I knew. I spent a lot of time crying, more time praying, just that I would be following His will and not my own. Thankfully, He made it really clear to me that this was where I was supposed to go (though, this didn't make it any easier).
I got to Virginia, and instantaneously it felt like home, something I really didn't feel was possible. I can say I love it here, and I'm thankful that I took the leap of faith and listened when He called me.
When Rachel was here a few days ago, we were talking about how strange it was for her to be "visiting" me in Washington D.C., it's just kind of unreal. She asked if I knew where I'd go when I moved back, and the awesome part is - I have no idea, not even the slightest clue. Truth be told, it's nothing I need to worry about at this point. Worrying only implies that I don't quite trust God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening or what will happen in my life. And maybe I never make it back to Texas, I for sure never thought I'd leave.
A few days before I had been thinking about all that happened in the time-span of a little over a month. And how, when I move back to Texas... where would/will I go? I had everything I needed to start a life in College Station...how crazy it must have looked that I just literally uprooted and moved, giving most of the stuff away in my house, to follow Christ...where He was leading me. It certainly didn't make sense to my family, and looking back on it now, it does seem crazy. No, he wasn't leading me to a third world country, but it might as well have been for me with how scared I was. I'm certain He's got me here for a reason.
The truth is, I'm thankful, thankful to be where I am and thankful that He's leading me.
Ultimately, I have little control over my own life and what will happen to me. The easier thing would have certainly been to start living in a guarded, safe, controlled way. To stop taking risks and to be ruled by my fears of what
could happen.
I'm thankful for the unknowns and that I don't have control, because it makes me run to God.
I find myself relearning this lesson often, about control and letting Him have it. Even though I glipmse God's holiness, I am still dumb enough to forget that life is all about God and not all about me.
